"Unfortunately, you were not selected this time."
When another rejection letter lands in a job seeker's inbox, their self-confidence can be put to the test. Being rejected can feel like a personal blow, even though we know that there are not enough jobs for everyone at the moment.
Neuroscience researcher and coach Antonia Gergen urges job seekers to be kind to themselves. Evolutionarily, the body's messages are meant to protect us.
– Being rejected hurts. It hurts on a cerebral level, it hurts on a nervous level, both psychologically and physically. In recent years, there has been a lot of research on how rejection or rejection is registered in the body as physical pain, Gergen says.
Gergen specialises in brain plasticity, the neurological mechanisms of learning and mental regulation skills. According to him, when faced with adversity, we often fall into a way of thinking that psychologists call attribution error. In this case, a friend's failure to find a job is often attributed to external factors.
– We think that perhaps their potential was not recognised, or maybe there is a better job opportunity for them somewhere else. When it comes to ourselves, however, we often find the reasons within ourselves. I'm no good, I didn't try hard enough, they didn't like me, Gergen says.
Once you are aware of the attribution error, you can reduce the pain caused by rejection by reformulating your own thought patterns.
Set yourself better goals
At its worst, rejection can paralyse you and rob you of your ability to function. According to Gergen, this feeling is based on the human nervous system being divided into the sympathetic nervous system, which prepares us for conflict, and the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms us down.
– The nervous system is simple in the sense that it is not affected by the reformulation of thoughts. Our nervous system only knows whether we are safe or not. When the sympathetic nervous system has been activated for too long, we may experience paralysis, says Gergen.
You can recover from this state by doing things that stimulate the body's natural pleasure hormones dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin. For example, by going for a walk or spending time in the sun.
If, despite your efforts, you are unable to find a new job, your frustration will grow. According to Gergen, you can maintain your hope and motivation by breaking down your ultimate goal into smaller, achievable steps.
When you set a goal of sending five emails a day instead of signing a job contract, your brain gets its dose of dopamine faster.
"If the finish line is not in sight, it is much more difficult to start working towards the goal. I often try to set my mind to the idea that it is the effort that is rewarding, not the end result. When you have already succeeded in a way, a possible rejection afterwards does not hurt as much," says Gergen.
Focus on the present
When life is full of uncertainty and every rejection undermines your self-confidence, your inner sense of security may need reinforcement. According to Gergen, this is a skill that can be learned through practice.
We feel secure when we are able to influence the things that are close to us. Instead of thinking about various catastrophes, it is better to stop and open your senses. A quick exercise is to name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste, says Gergen.
When you are looking for work, you can also find comfort in the fact that, according to research, the brain has the ability to develop throughout life.
– The idea that we cannot change as adults is a myth. We can create an environment for ourselves in which the brain does not change at all, or an environment in which it changes to the maximum extent. By change, I mean learning new skills and optimising the brain's potential, says Gergen.
In order to change, the brain needs new stimuli. You can try to break out of your routine by making small changes in your daily life, such as rearranging your office, drinking coffee with your non-dominant hand or changing your route to work.
When looking for work, you can utilise the brain's plasticity by trying to do things differently than before. Rejections can also be seen as situations that help the brain grow and develop.
– If I could say one thing to someone who has just been rejected in their job search, I would advise them to celebrate their resilience in a way that suits them. Their brain is now one experience richer. Then I would encourage them to set a goal of submitting three new applications over the next week, without any negative self-talk or expectations.
